The Fear of Speaking: How Does One Conquer That Fear?

That is such an interesting question, and I got to try my hand at conquering that fear today.  Several weeks ago, I was telling an acquaintance of mine that I was going to be in an upcoming speech competition, and she was completely dumbstruck.  She had mentioned that so many people are afraid of public speaking, let alone the possibility of competing in it.  There are people, who would rather face death or pain, as opposed to getting up and talking in front of group. 

So, how does one overcome this fear?  It's funny you should ask because I am not so sure one ever truly overcomes this, although I will say that there are beneficial ways of dealing with it. 

Today, while I was at my contest, even before I got there, I started getting nervous.  The funny thing is I have been rehearsing this speech for weeks and was familiar with it and had even presented it to my Toastmasters (speaking support) group a couple of times.  I have been a member of this group for about 3 1/2 years, and it has helped me tremendously.  So, what was I afraid of?  It wasn't like it was my first time competing even.  To be exact, it was my 4th time.  So what was the deal?

I would have to say that there are different levels of fear.  When a person confronts an audience for the first time, it can be terrifying.  I've been there myself.  You worry about how you look, that you'll look stupid, that you'll sound stupid, that someone else is better qualified, more confident, and on and on.  I'll admit I wasn't at that level.  I've had too much experience and coaching to be that concerned or so it would seem.  When one competes you do have big concerns, that is, if you actually care about winning, which I did.  You care about those scrutinizing eyes watching you and comparing you to others and whether your nervousness showing through is going to make you a dismal failure.  So before that competition, as I was waiting for them to call my name, I was very conscious of my stress level running high and my heart racing and realizing all of the horrible effects nervousness could have on my presentation.  You can forget your lines, turn beat red, forget to talk loud so people can hear you, flop up your words, etc.  It could be a complete disaster.  I so did not want it to be a disaster.  That would have meant that all of the time I had spent preparing for this presentation would have been a waste.  I was desperate and just kept telling myself, "You can do this. Just do it the way you practiced. Be confident. You've done this before."  All of those words really didn't seem to help that much, so I tried some other tactics.

When I first started Toastmasters, I received in my starter packet several books with tips on how to do better at speaking.  Some of the tips that I remember that I have found helpful are remembering that your audience actually wants you to succeed.  I don't think a lot of people realize this, but it is true.  When you do well, it benefits the audience.  Everyone's happy.  You've conveyed a message.  They've received it.  All is good!  Another thing is if you know you're nervous, use relaxation techniques.  I did this today, and the calmness finally kicked in.  I finally got my grip and performed at my personal best and then some!

What I did was took some deep breaths and slowly released them.  I did my best to use some meditation techniques, i.e. slowing down the mind's processes, the heart rate, the anxiety, through focusing on being calm, and it really does work!  Having lessened my anxiety, I was able to focus on things that I needed to focus on like, "Am I connecting with my audience, holding their interest, and engaging them with eye contact? Is my message coming across exactly the way or better than I had intended?"

All of this may seem overwhelming to a person, who has never given a speech or is terrified of speaking.  The nice thing about, when I did join my Toastmasters group is it is a very nonthreatening group, which allows you to ease into speaking.  No one will throw you out to the wolves or force you to get out of your comfort zone, until you are ready.  In fact, I don't think I gave a speech for 3 months.  There were different roles that needed filled.  If you are new, you might be asked if you want to say a few words, and if you say "no", then that is respected.  Members of the group are well aware of the fear factor involved in speaking and do not want to scare people away.  It is entirely a support group.  In fact, mentors are assigned to new people, and there are always evaluators assigned.  Evaluators give very tactful, constructive criticism and encouragement to help foster growth and confidence.  There is a booklet one works from too that assigns different things to work on.  For example, there is the "Ice breaker" speech, where you talk about yourself.  There is the "Organizing thoughts" assignment.  Gradually, the assignments get a little harder, as a speaker acquires more skills.  It can be very encouraging to look back at assignments and to see remarks from evaluators and to see how you have improved or where you need to improve.  It can definitely give you a sense of accomplishment and does build confidence.

In fact, I had seen much improvement in my email correspondence at work.  It helped bolster my confidence to take on more leadership roles.  I had become a volunteer coordinator, organizing book fairs, fundraisers, emergency preparedness training, training managers on new processes, etc.  That was at my former work place.  I'm still active in the leadership role department.  It has definitely made a difference in my professional and personal life.  I'm a much better communicator.

In a nutshell, those are some of my suggestions for alleviating some of the fears of public speaking.  Hopefully, these suggestions can be of some help to you in your pursuits as well.