The Maniac Driver

I first met the maniac driver, when I was a teenager, growing up in Evansville.  I was out with my date, one night, in his old, beat up, Mustang.  We came to a red light, and this sleek, black Trans am pulls up right next to us.  My date looks over, and the maniac, fishing for a challenge, revs up his engine, challenging us to race. 

My date, eager to show off his muscle car, revs up his engine, accepting the maniac’s challenge.  The “hook” had been set. The light turns green. It’s take off time! Both cars launch from the intersection, and my date starts to pass the Trans am. Just then, the maniac floors it and pulls ahead. To claim victory, the maniac, then, gleefully swerves in front of us and slams on the brakes. My date, with lightning-fast reflexes, veers off into the berm, still determined to win. Yes, my friends, this was road rage at its finest!  Luckily, we were unable to catch the maniac, and I got sick in my boyfriend’s car.  So, he was more than happy to take me home.  I never returned his calls after that.  I’m sure you understand.

One of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had was watching a police officer nail the maniac by enticing him to race. At another red light, I witnessed the maniac, once again, in his muscle car, and another driver in a Camaro was shouting out, “Hey! Wanna race?”  Of course, the maniac in the Trans am, always eager to show off the muscle in his car could not say no to this challenge.  So, they take off at the green light. The maniac follows his usual routine.  He passes the Camaro, and just as he is about to taste the sweet, hard-fought-for victory of pulling into the challenger’s lane and slamming on the brakes… the Camaro’s hidden lights and sirens come on.  Busted!  I guess that was the wrong person to race.

After moving to Fort Wayne, I thought that I had moved far far away from the maniac, but I could never have been more wrong.  Having been new to the area, I was unaccustomed to the heavy snow and the slippery roads.  I was driving along very cautiously, when, out of nowhere, I saw the maniac in my rearview mirror.  I saw him weaving in and out and in and out of traffic and speeding along, as if he was on the Autobahn. There were actually two cars that drove off into the ditch to avoid him.  Another two cars, having swerved and missed the maniac, collided into one another and caused a 10-car pileup. 

That did not deter the maniac.  He kept going and was quickly catching up to me.  As he approached closer and closer, my hands kept gripping the steering wheel tighter and tighter, when suddenly, he lost control of his vehicle and landed himself into the ditch!  Justice was served!  I was actually saved by his own crazy driving.

After that mess in the winter, I actually met up with the maniac in the summer.  It was a perfectly hot summer day, and I noticed some young girls in bathing suits holding up signs for a car wash.  The price was pretty reasonable so I stopped to get my car washed.  Just then, I hear this very annoying screeching sound, speeding towards the car wash.  Then, BOOM!  Guess who?  It was the maniac, and he had driven smack into a parked police car.  The officer was not at all happy and jumped out of his car.  He demanded that the maniac get out of his car so he could read him the riot act.  To my astonishment, the maniac was the same guy I had dated years ago in Evansville.  The police officer asks him what on earth he thought he was doing, driving 85 in a 35 mph zone, and my ex mumbled something stupid about seeing the girls in the bikinis.  What a winner!

Anyway, I got out of that situation fast, and since that summer, I haven’t seen the maniac around.  I still think he’s out there though.  There are times when I am driving along with the radio off, and I will hear sounds off in the far distance, screeches, booms, revved up engines.  The scary thing is I don’t think there’s just one maniac driver.  I think there is a whole world full of maniac drivers, probably some of you reading this.