Give You the World, Part II... Still Trying...

Good evening! Thank you all for coming! It's good to be in such great company and surrounded by such good food and have such outstanding wait service. What I mainly would like to talk to you about tonight though is mid-life crisis and in particular... my mid-life crisis.

We all have in our heads what we think a mid-life crisis is. Many of you are possibly looking at me and wondering if I've decided to make some rash decision in my life that I might regret. Did I find a younger man that I'm going to run off with? (Not to my knowledge.) Am I going to leave work tomorrow and buy a brand new, red convertible BMW? (If only money wasn't an object.) Will I quit my day-time job to join a commune somewhere and shuck all of life's responsibilities? That's an interesting possibility, but no. I have not completely lost my senses yet! The crisis that I am dealing with is my daughter just turned 18.

When a parent's child turns 18, it can mean different things to different people. It can bring up empty nest syndrome in some parents, while others may be excited about the new found freedom that can come with their young adult's emancipation. Others may agonize because they know their child is not quite mature enough for the outside world and are anticipating them getting into financial, legal or relationship troubles. Some of these parents may choose to have their children live with them a bit longer or this decision may be thrust upon them because their adult children may have nowhere else to go, no money for a place to stay or they may have brought an infant into the world, in which they are unable to care for. Being a parent of a young adult can bring up all sorts of possibilities and life changes that you never could have imagined nor wanted to, when you first gazed upon your prepubescent child.

The number 18 brings up a whole realm of possibilities because this is when, by law, you no longer can protect your child. If they wrack up debt, it's their fault. Commit a crime, their fault. This is not to say that this is a bad thing. Certainly, we can't be expected to protect our children forever. Still, obviously, it can create a great deal of anxiety in parents and can lead to a mid-life crisis or perhaps mid-life panic attack is the more appropriate verbiage.

As most of you know, my daughter has been diagnosed with Aspergers, which at the present time, is considered an emotional disability. She is limited in what she can do, and unlike a lof of girls her age, has not completed driver's training. She isn't studying for her SAT or ACT, worrying about who she is taking to prom or touring prospective college campuses. She won't receive her high school diploma because she is unable to complete required classes. Her future is much different from that of the average high school senior. She will require a lot of assistance to get on her feet and to a greater degree of self-sufficiency, which is the primary goal that most of us parents strive for with our children.

There are agencies out there that I will lean on, during my midlife crisis, and for them, I am extremely grateful. The primary ones that come to mind are Citilink, Voc Rehab, Social Security, BDDS, and Easter Seals Arc. These agencies will make it possible for her to be trained and placed in a job and have coaching, transportation, health insurance, some income, and counsel, if needed. They can provide her with more help and resources that I have been unable to help her with over the years because of the lack of time, money, and expertise. The school, doctors, and counselors have helped over the years, but there is only so much they can do. Now that she is 18, she is an adult and is viewed independently from her parents, which makes her eligible for services that she couldn't receive before because her parents' income worked against her, and services are actually pretty expensive for the average income. Since I am now her legal guardian, though, I can act on her behalf and get her the help she so desperately needed, all these years.

So, the rules have changed. Now, she can receive in-home training from BDDS staff, in day-to-day matters, such as balancing a check book, taking her medicine, when appropriate, getting ready for work, making meals, and other things that many of us take for granted. The person working with her will be a caregiver. She may live in a group home, with a roommate or by herself, depending on what is available and her individual needs. She may remain at home, depending on what services are available. This remains to be seen.

The goal of these services is to work with the disabled individual and to get them, where they are as independent as possible and, hopefully, won't need the services permanently. For some people, they can gain a degree of independence through the training, and for others, this is not possible.

Voc Rehab will provide job placement, a job coach, and on-the-job training, as needed. Citilink is the city bus system that provides transportation, in case my daughter is unable to drive or doesn't have a ride. Social Security provides disability income and also the Medicaid Waiver, which is required, to pay for BDDS services. Lastly, Easter Seals Arc is a catch all. They provide job training and placement, advocacy, advice to parents on anything Autism-based, and have been a tremendous support and resources to me, over the past several years.

Recently, I met with one of my daughter's friends. She knew her from the 2nd grade. I am very pleased with the young lady that she has grown into. Back then, I wasn't sure what would come of her and knowing what I know about my daughter's condition today, sometimes, the future seems really grim. This young lady, though, does drive a car, uses a cell phone quite well, and does work, thanks to Voc Rehab finding her a job. The job is at McDonalds, which is excellent for someone with her condition. To be honest, if my daughter could be that self-sufficient, I would be very happy. Soon, her friend will be able to find a place to live, away from mom and dad with the help of BDDS, and become even more self sufficient.

So my talk today is to acknowledge the social services that are out there that can make a difference in people's lives, make life much more bearable for caregivers, and make it possible for young adults with disabilities to actually leave the nest. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to the services provided by Citilink, Social Security, BDDS, Voc Rehab, and Easter Seals Arc. With your services, my daughter and others like her have the opportunity to experience becoming more self sufficient, and I shall with these agency's assistance make it through my mid-life crisis.