And These are Your Options...

There comes a time, when as a parent, you just want to give up.  Some people have greater thresholds of tolerance to adversity than others.  I've had people commend me for being a strong parent and amazed at what I'm able to tolerate, and they are adamant that they could not deal with what I've dealt with.  But, I'm no hero, and I can tell you that so many people view the world differently, based on their own experiences.  I've had praises, but I've also had harsh criticisms.

The roughest ride I've encountered was when my daughter first came home from the behavioral hospital.  She was put on this medicine called Zyprexa, which caused rapid weight gain.  She was outgrowing her clothes left and right, so I was constantly having to go and buy new clothes, which can be an expensive commodity.  So her behavior was an issue, although it was a lot more under control.  Then, this new issue of weight gain was becoming a problem.  Not only that, but she had sensory issues, which basically means that due to comfort issues, she is very particular about the clothes she wears.  For instance, jeans are not soft, especially around a growing belly.  Elastic waistbands are entirely uncomfortable.  Polyester shirts and sweaters were completely out of the question because the girl's temperature always ran hot.  I don't care if it was -2F, the girl would try and wear shorts and t-shirts. 

So, I was very limited as to what I could buy my daughter clothes-wise.  Her wardrobe consisted of very comfortable pants and t-shirts, so not very stylish.  There's been many a time, where I've looked at cute, stylish outfits in what should have been her size and just felt despair.  Also, I had trouble trying to figure out where to buy her things.  All the places that I normally shopped at for my daughter did not have plus sizes for kids, and never having been a plus size myself, I really hadn't a clue about where to shop.  Eventually, I discovered that JC Pennys had a Plus section for girls, so that was the only place I shopped for a while. 

It seemed a big inconvenience.  I enjoyed the luxury of being able to go to whatever store I wanted to, of my choosing, and especially to discount stores.  Being limited to one store seemed like so much of a hassle.  Then, there came a time, when she outgrew the girls Plus sizes, and my mother in law encouraged me to look at women's clothes for her.  At that time, Amber was in middle school, and the women's clothes either were too expensive, too sexy, or too old/fuddy-duddy.  I was so frustrated about how there wasn't a market out there for kids like mine.  I hated it that I couldn't conveniently buy clothes for her and resisted shopping for her as much as possible, which somewhat caused some tension between me and the school. 

The problem I encountered was I had a daughter's tummy that was steadily growing, and she was managing to break dress code on a daily basis.  It wasn't that her clothes didn't fit, at least that wasn't the case all the time, but she would stretch her arms out and purposely expose her abdomen.  I got emails from the school about this behavior on a regular basis and was half tempted to have my daughter wear my husband's shirts.  I never did that though.  It was just a temptation.

After a period of time, we took my daughter to see my husband's uncle, who is an Alternative Medicine specialist.  He met with us and made some recommendations, as far as some supplements to take.  I apologize, but I don't remember the names of these.  They weren't your normal, everyday ones like St. John's Wort and all of those.  They were a combination of ones that promoted overall health and balance.  She took 3 different ones plus her medicine, so 6 supplements at varying times a day plus 5 pills at varying times a day.  It was very depressing for me.  I felt like such a pill pusher. 

The reason for the alternative medicine is I wanted to try and wean her off of her medicine, and to some degree, I did.  In the end, though, it wasn't worth it.  We were spending a $100 in alternative medicine plus $100 in prescription meds, and I could never entirely wean her off of the prescription medicine.  The fact is, the prescription medicine gives quicker results and is less costly, even though it's more damaging in the long run.  You just can't give a mentally imbalanced person alternative medicine alone and expect them to be normal.  It's just not possible.  What's really irritating is the medical society in the United States won't join forces with the Alternative Medicine community to find natural remedies to actually help their patients.  The drug companies have way too much power!  On top of everything, it seemed the most benefit my daughter derived from the food supplements were these super, strong toe nails that frequently pushed holes through her socks.  ANOTHER PROBLEM!!!  ANOTHER EXPENSE!!!

So, I backed off of the Alternative therapy and just muddled through the day-to-day life of having a child with discipline problems, weight gain issues, medicine, and other things that came up.  She hasn't had the normal childhood of being in sports, music, dance, etc., although I have had her involved in some swimming and short-term classes offered at the YMCA.  Some of those classes I could not bare to watch her in because she was just so defiant.  I had her stop going to some.  I've felt it important to try and give her diverse life experiences, like what I had growing up as a kid.  She didn't seem to appreciate them at the time, although she seemed to when she got older and asked to be enrolled in classes that sadly weren't available because, by then, she was too old and they didn't offer them to her age group.  So, back to the drawing board. 

Life with her is constantly evolving.  Some doors may close, but other open doors have presented themselves.  It hasn't all been bad, by any means.  It's just been a struggle and makes you relish triumphs that much more.